Sex Advice #1: How to Handle a "Traditional" Lover

Sometimes I receive e-mails from people asking me for advice on sex. Here's one that I recently received from an avid reader of this blog named "Ashley":

"I've been an avid reader of your blog for a while now, but your most recent post caught my eye. I'm having a bit of the same problem with my boyfriend of about a year and a half. In saying that I mean that it is difficult introducing new things in the bedroom with him. He will try a new position if I suggest it, as long as it is just a variation of the ones we usually use. I'd like to introduce role play, extended foreplay, sex toys, etc. but I don't know how to do it. He doesn't really respond at all, but he seems to like it when I suggest a new position, so he may be receptive to trying something else. I'd also like to know how I could get him to last longer. He can last longer if I tell him to hold off on coming, but I really don't want to have to tell him every time, it's not sexy to have to do that. And I don't want to sound like a broken record. I'd also like to find new ways to get him to want to have sex more often. I know you're a blogger, not an advice columnist, but I'm really hoping you write back and help me with my problem. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you."

Dear Ashley,

Thank you for being such a loyal reader to my blog. I don't hear from many people often from my blogs, but I thank you for being so supportive, hopefully you've enjoyed the blog posts so far.

As for your problem, I may have a few suggestions for you. You say that your boyfriend doesn't really like introducing new things into the bedroom. Since you've been sleeping with him the past 18 months or so, ask yourself this: what type of sex partner is my boyfriend? Is he violent and likes it rough? Is he a positions guy? Is he a touchy-feely guy? Is he submissive/dominant? How much foreplay does he enjoy, or is he more into the sex?

Once you've assessed what type of person he is, try to create and introduce things that you think may be in a similar vein as to what he likes. For example, if he's romantic and gentle, try adding a body massage in the foreplay, along with a tongue bath with a blindfold over his eyes, or tickling him with various objects, like a feather or your fingernails. If he's violent, try blindfolding him and smacking him with various things, like a belt, the flat end of a hairbrush, a wet towel, etc, while dripping candle wax on his back or chest. If he's touchy-feely, you may want to blindfold him and softly blow across his skin, or smear chocolate syrup on various parts of his body, things like that.

If you want something different and want to have sex with him more often, surprise him and take control. Come home early one day and wear a school-girl outfit, keep all the lights off when he enters the room, and seduce him in the dark, pretending you're a teacher, or a similar roleplay. One day, place post-it notes with dirty notes on them all over places he would go to often, like a desk or a medicine cabinet, reminding him what you'd do to him later. Or you can text him pictures of yourself to him while he's at work/school and get him all hot and horny. Seduce him in a way that you wouldn't normally seduce him, just to keep him at his toes.

If worse come to worse, you may want to sit down and frankly talk to him about your sex life. Tell him how you feel and what you want to achieve in the bedroom, and he may feel as if you were threatening his manhood, but treat it in a way as a suggestion. Don't force him to think of ideas to do (since he may not know what to do and would be at a loss if you had him think of ideas), but slowly work him with one new thing at a time rather than 20 new things at the same time since you wouldn't want to overwhelm him.

On ways to have him last longer: if you do your research well, there are positions that are meant for guys to last longer, which are variations of standing positions, sitting positions (girl sitting on top of guy), side-by-side positions (such as spooning variations), and variations of missionary positions (such as the "frog" position). These types of positions elongate the vagina and don't squeeze on a guy's penis as much, and if he feels like he's about to come, you can move into one of those positions and slow down. Pacing yourself and taking breaks during sex are always a good thing, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

I know this is a lot, but I hope these work out for you! Please let me know how things go, I'd love to hear an update!

Take care!

-V

Have a question to ask Veronica? Or do you agree or disagree with her advice? E-mail me at sex.confessions69@gmail.com !