From Veronica: A Question to the Audience

It has been over 2 years since I started this blog, and I've talked to and met countless of people who've told me how much they enjoy reading my stories, thoughts and rants about sex. I've always thought that this was a personal blog, that no one would be interested in what I have to say, until I found more and more letters, more comments, more people chatting with me, not just for advice, but more for the friendship (and possibly a lucky lay?), and to maybe find out if I was actually real, not some bimbo with a Ph.D writing sex fiction.

Yes, I am an actual real person. I am flawed and ordinary, just like the rest of you. Outside this world of cyberspace, I eat, breathe, live, fuck, have fun, cry, shit, talk, argue, get angry...I am not this super heroine that some of you have described me to be.

But I digress...to my readers, I would like to ask you this question: what attracts you to read my blog? Am I some sort of specimen that you all are trying to dissect, some sort of outer-space being because I don't fit in the "norm" of a typical human female? Or am I some sort of fantasy for all of you (both men and women), to imagine while alone in your room, stroking yourself until you get into a little bit of heavenly orgasm? Are you reading my thoughts to see if I would catch myself in a lie, exposing myself as a possible fraud?

Or are you intrigued by what I really have to say?

I've wondered what brings people here to this simple blog of mine, with my intricate thoughts, what they were looking for when they found it, and what made them stay?

So really the question is: What brought you to this blog and what draws you back to it, again and again?

As all of you know, I love getting comments from my readers, and even if it's anonymous, I would love to hear what you all have to say...If you don't feel comfortable, just shoot me an e-mail at sex.confessions69@gmail.com.

I look forward to your thoughts, readers...until then, I bid you all adieu (until the next Sexcapade Files installment! :-))

Clit Bangers

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LBFM Syndrome

A few months ago, I was at the office with my boss when he had mentioned this little phone conversation he had with a friend. At the time, I was still my boss' employee and he had told his friend that he had hired a Filipino woman (which was me):

“He told me to watch out for you,” he growled in his Brooklyn accent. “And he asked if I was fucking you. I totally denied it, since it could ruin me,” he said. (He used the Bill Clinton mentality of “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” which technically worked, since at this point, he “technically” wasn't fucking me.)

“Why?” I asked, eying him.

“He said you people are 'little brown fucking machines,'” he smirked.

At that point, it was like a light bulb turned on over my head. So that's the correct terminology to describe me, a “little brown fucking machine” (or an LBFM for short)?!

I didn't believe that the term "LBFM" existed until one day, Lexxi and I decided to search up the term on Google, just because we were bored, and there it was – a link of sexy Filipino women in bikinis with cum shots all over their faces, sucking cock – just my type of people. LOL

I knew that my people LOVE to fuck, they love sex more than eating and getting drunk. However, to simplify my Filipino womanhood to a short, stereotypical label is somewhat misleading in a way, even though I proudly wear the label on my chest and would probably tattoo it on myself eventually.

The reason why the LBFM label is a bit misleading, is mainly because of the fact that Filipinos are actually very RESTRAINED. Men are restrained to fit a certain label, to be macho and dominant, and women are supposed to be subservient, quiet, chaste and virginal.

It is odd to find any Filipino male or female to be so open about their sexuality, their sexual fetishes (even in the homosexual realm, but that has loosened up a bit within the past few decades). Most porno that I find from the Philippines are within the realms of vanilla sex – the most that they probably do are a threesome, with a girl sandwiched in the middle. It would be rare to see a woman being the dominant one controlling the man – every Filipino porno seems the same, it's just the actors who are different.

Although I am proud of my Filipino heritage and would wave the “3 Stars and the Sun” proudly along with the “Stars & Stripes”, I find that by being Filipino (or Asian, take your pick), it tends to limit your own capabilities as a human being. In regards to sex, it is even more limited to what you can do since you don't want to lose face among your fellow “countrymen” who probably are watching your every move when you least expect it.

Why should it matter? Why should what people say stop you from running your own life?

Whatever serves your fancy in the large buffet line of sex, no matter what people say, you should do what you want. It doesn't matter in the end, just enjoy life and fuck like there is no tomorrow.

That should make yourself look better if, hypothetically, the world ended tomorrow - at least those “haters” who were talking shit about you the day before about your fucking can't say much...who will regret not getting fucked before the world ended when they were too busy talking shit about you?? LOL

So I guess you can say I suffer from LBFM Syndrome – I honestly don't care about what people think because it is my life - I love fucking, I love learning new things about sex, I love sex in general - why hide it when I know I'm a sex fiend? I will take the negativity of being restrained in my Filipino culture, turn it around, and be the person I want to be.

There should be an LBFM Anonymous group, and I could definitely lead it: "Hi, my name is Veronica, and I'm an LBFM." LMAO

What can I say, I am brown, chinky, and I LOVE TO FUCK!! Who said being an LBFM is a bad thing? :-)

Cunnilingus Craving

For some reason, I've been craving the feeling of getting head lately. You know, like a really good ol'-fashioned lick-n-squirt, some guy into my pussy pulling back my butterfly (thanks Jason Mraz), nose-deep into my pussy, licking, flicking, touching, sucking and finger-thrusting my pussy away, until I my back arches, my whimpers turn into screams, and my pussy muscles clench so hard around his fingers, that it goes on for minutes, and then add in an extra squirt or two as a bonus.

Ahhh...cunnilingus...I sure miss you.

I guess you can say that my boss gave it to me really well, so well that I never had it that good before. He knew how to touch and get me off, over and over again...

However...I don't think I've met my "ideal" pussy eater yet.

I know how to get myself off pretty well, but most men don't realize that I might be part of that 10% of the female population (and I might be generous) who gets off pretty easily. If you touch me right, I'll get off in less than 10 minutes flat, squirting everywhere, my pussy dripping with sticky, creamy cum.

The only problem is that I enjoy being taken not to the brink, but ideally, a delayed orgasm, slowly bringing myself up almost to the brink, then slowing down, to get myself "almost" to that point, and repeating the process a few more times until I feel I can't take the delayed response and pressure anymore, cumming so much that it was like I catapulted myself to the moon.

That's how I really like to cum.

There are so many guys out there who think that it's about getting to the destination, being able to come. But have they really realized that the fun is not getting to the destination, but the journey as well?

I guess I'm trying to bring in the concept of "stopping and smelling the flowers" into the subject of sex.

It's been so crazy for me lately, I've been craving my ideal cunnilingus session so much that I'm constantly watching pornos of guys giving girls head lately. Most of them are really horrible, but the good ones actually take time, at least 10 minutes at most, and it's such a turn-on. I really, really want to be eaten like that!

I would want to be eaten slowly, but first licking anywhere around my pubic area BUT my clit - the sides of my pelvis, the outer lips, the inner thighs...licking and nipping and tickling and sucking those parts BEFORE the clit. These are things that I do while masterbating, but for some reason, every guy I've doing things with thinks they have the hit the clit first.

Then, after a few minutes of torturing me without touching my clit, THEN head for the goods, but softly on the clit - no hard sucking, no biting, no hard pressing. Just light licks here and there, softly touching me, would really get me off. After that, try to vary it, but gradually getting me off in that soft touch, touching me in those spots that aren't the clit itself, but the sides about an inch from the clit, just close to the pussy hole, really get me off.

Touching there actually gets me off more than my clit itself, actually.

Then I want someone to lick my pussy softly, digging his tongue into me, licking my butterfly flaps...and then dipping his tongue into my hole, lapping up the moisture, feeling it turn from wetness to sticky cum, not even touching my clit at all, but making me work to get to an orgasm, and then slowing down a bit to work me to another one again...

All in all, not even getting me off enough to squeeze my pussy muscles to a flying orgasm until I feel like I'm ready for the floodgates to be opened.

I really want one of these, I need a man who knows how to do it just like this...

Can you tell that I'm obsessed at the moment?? LOL

Feeling Rejected

Nothing really beats thinking that you're going to get laid in a weekend when plans fall through. Kind of disappointed when not one, but TWO lays decide to bail out on me...not sure why, but I guess they had plans or decided that pussy wasn't much of an importance for them. Not that I'm taking it personal, it just sucks when people tell you they're going to be down and you get yourself prepped up, all ready to suck cock and get yourself fucked right in the pussy, feeling that anticipation, when they end up not calling you at all. At LEAST call and say that you can't make it, you know? Common decency, which sometimes some people lack at time, I understand that...I'm just kind of annoyed at the moment.

So what does a girl do when she feels rejected? I guess it's time to heat up some popcorn, turn on the vibrator, and watch porn, the more cocks the better...I guess it's gonna be a slow one-woman show night, and no one to warm up my pussy lips for me...:-(

Playing the Mistress

I've discovered another sexual side of myself that I never considered myself ever doing in not only a sexual realm, but a relationship realm as well – playing the “mistress”. Mind you, I'm pretty familiar playing the “mistress” within the BDSM realm, but to be the “other woman” in a sexual relationship is definitely very new to me, so usually against my morals (or whatever is left of them), but I find myself highly fascinated about this world, regardless of how dangerous and taboo this situation is for me, for the person I'm sleeping with, and the woman who is completely oblivious to the situation.

Although I've been badly burned in the past by an emotional affair that wrecked the way I viewed relationships from that moment forward, playing the mistress gives me such an adrenaline rush. I find it highly enticing and addicting that this man, who is already happily with someone else (minus the nonexistent sex life), would risk everything – his company, his relationship, his career reputation – in order to have his mouth on my clit, his fingers in my pussy, and scream in the throws of sexual passion until I find myself sweating from the intense orgasm he gave me, waiting over 10 minutes to catch my breath from panting so hard from my ORGASM. It makes me feel so powerful that my scent drives him crazy, that whatever I wear – regardless if it's a T-shirt-and-track pants day or a somewhat conservative business casual attire – makes him want me, the nearness of my presence makes his body literally warm and his cock hard with sexual desire whenever I walk into the room. It is that power I crave, that instant boost of ego and sexual confidence, that makes me feel on top of the world, like I'm invincible, even though I know how totally WRONG the situation really is.

I've often wondered why I've had such a change of heart and decision about this situation. Why am I allowing this to happen when I've been badly hurt by someone else through their cheating? Why am I callous about the other woman's potential feelings of hurt and betrayal? Is it because I know that I'm satisfying her man and not she? Is it that he finds me more sexually desirable than she? Is it because he finds me more of his sexual equal than she? Or is it that I've already justified in my mind that this is okay to do mainly because he has made his decision, and he's the one who can hurt her more than anyone can imagine?

The only problem I find about this situation is the massive guilt he has laid on himself every time something happens between us, which is completely understandable. Knowing that he has a conscience and a heart means he really is a good guy after all, that he doesn't want to hurt her at all, he just finds me so desirable that making me cum in his mouth gives him the greatest thrill and the greatest guilt trip possible.

I'm not sure as to how far I can take this sexual relationship, but it would definitely be interesting as this pans out. I will have to ponder on this some more as the days move forward...

Sexcapade Files #28: The Illicit Office Affair

There's sexual tension flying through the air where I work, so thick that you can cut it with a knife. I may end up in such a dangerous scandal, it's so dangerous that it could cost a lot of relationships, which is making me hesitate how to proceed in this matter. It's so hard to ignore this sexual heat, it's overpowering and overwhelming that even though I'm not at work, I'm still thinking about wanting his deft tongue run circles over my pulsing clit while I lie naked on top of the conference room.

This sexual fire started a few weeks ago for this person I work for. Somehow, we had started the discussion about sex and wanting to start an adult site, and he admitted to me that he had a BBW fetish - well, me being a thick girl, I couldn't ignore that. We ventured onto topics of my admitting that I had a sex talk show on internet radio ("Red Room" on RAW973.com from 10 pm - 1 am EST). From then on, he and I opened Pandora's Box of Sexual Secrets Past and reveled in telling each other our sexual conquests.

Recently, he had admitted to me that he became sexually attracted to me.
Just hearing him tell me how much he wants to taste my pussy juice in his mouth while I squirt, hearing him tell me that me being near him drives him crazy with sexual desire, that if I had told him at that moment I wanted him to lick my pussy, he wouldn't be able to resist. Hearing him tell me that he wanted me to cum all over his hands while he thrust 3 fingers into my pulsing pussy until I came shouting made my pants wet all day. Being in close proximity of him, having him smell my armpits, teasing him with toilet paper napkins with my cum on it, his mouth tasting my fingertips - all made me mad with desire. I really wanted him to get down on his hands and knees, pull down my pants, and eat me out over and over again, until I came so loudly that the whole neighborhood heard me come.

The only problem is, he's my boss, and he's almost my dad's age, which makes me wanting to fuck a father-figure. The more dangerous part is the fact that his common-law wife is also my boss, and she signs my checks. Which makes the story even more interesting.

It's a very complicated predicament. Two people, who obviously only want sex and are so hot for each other that they both make each other sweat if they're in the same room, obviously don't want to hurt the completely oblivious party, who for one, is basically the head boss (for me, anyway), and two, his "wife". We know that this is both cheating, but then, can I blame him for wanting to look elsewhere if his "wife" isn't experimental enough for him between the sheets? And can you blame me for being intrigued in such a scandalous situation, the excitement and the rush of holding a completely sexually charged relationship in the workplace without giving it away to the unsuspecting party?

I am completely stuck as what to do. Surely, I have thought it through as to how dangerous this sexcapade may be. However, knowing that even we do get caught, it wouldn't hurt me as much as it would hurt him, but then again, I'm only in this for myself and my conquests. If it ends up that I get fired, I can always find another job, since this is only my day job and not my career. I know how morally wrong this is, but at this point in my sexual career, is it my fault that the woman isn't keeping her man interested in the sack that he has to look elsewhere?

I'm excited and a bit nervous as to how things are going to be on Monday, since he and I will be out at a convention for the day. I wonder where things will lead, now that he and I are out in the open on this subject...will it lead further? Will he finally put me out of my sexual misery by being my sex slave? (How much of a turn on that is, your boss as your "sex slave"...)

I can't stop thinking about him. I'm constantly rubbing my clit raw just from what he told me yesterday.

For anyone reading this, please send me some advice. What would you do in this situation?

A Pet Peeve - Bad Penis Odor Can Make You Vomit??

Just a few days ago, I was talking to a gay friend of mine on Facebook, and he was telling me a very interesting story about a guy he had gone out with recently. Unfortunately, the date didn't turn out too well...

This friend of mine had told me that his date was HOT...All-American, clean-cut, preppy, you name it - then they went out, had dinner, then they ended up making out in his car, and THEN the guy opened his pants, asked my friend to suck his cock, and so he initiates...

My friend gets closer and closer...but something strikes him as strange...

Mainly because the guy he's about to suck cock on has really bad PENIS ODOR!!

So while my friend is trying to suck on this guy's cock, he's having a hard time doing it, mainly because he said that this guy's dick really smelled like rotten eggs, a really acrid and putrid smell. So he tries to hold it in, lets this guy CUM IN HIS MOUTH...

My friend finally goes home and ends up taking a shower, since he feels very disgusted over the whole incident, and while in the shower, he VOMITS!! His dinner and the guy's cum ends up all over his shower floor...and he swears it was the guy's penis odor that did it for him...ewwwwwwwwwwww!!!

A lesson learned for everyone: please keep your genitals clean at all times!! Who knows when you're going to have someone eating them!!

Updates: A Response from “Sex Advice #1” and the Latest on “Sexual Harassment in the Workplace”

There have been quite a few things happening, so everything will be jumbled into one post, so here we go…

After my last post about my co-worker harassing me, a few days after I arrived back from visit my family, I went straight to HR and complained that nothing was really being done about the situation, and they ended up talking strict measures on that co-worker, which resulted into her termination. I guess they had heard wind that I was planning on suing the company if they didn’t fire her, so they decided to let her go, which was a good choice indeed. Work feels a lot easier to be in now that she’s gone, but now I will have to deal with trying to build up my reputation as a professional, since the damage has already been done. Although no one has really done anything bad to me since I got bad, for some reason I get this strange feeling that people see me differently, like in a bad way, now that they know about those pictures. It doesn’t faze me, however it makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable, but what else can I do? Just as long as they don’t bully me because of those photos, I should be fine. Now, I’m focused on whether I should sue my former co-worker for bringing those photos in the workplace to begin with, but I don’t really know where to start…does anyone know?

This week, I also received an e-mail from Ashley, our loyal reader who needed sex advice, and this is her response:

Dear Veronica,

I just wanted to thank you so much for your advice. I'm happy to report that just sitting down and talking to him about our sex life has improved it greatly. I gave him two different books that I thought would help us out as well. One was sex and foreplay positions, and one was sex games. He seems to like to take control more often now that our sex life has improved. He also goes down on me almost every time we have sex and lately he makes me orgasm about 4/5 times. I am much more satisfied now, we only have sex without my having an orgasm about once out of nine or ten times. And all of this is thanks to you and I definitely appreciate it.

I read your last post and wanted to say I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Frankly, your coworker is a horrendous bitch.

-Ashley

I’m glad that the advice worked out! Please don’t hesitate to e-mail again for more sex advice!!

I will be adding a new post about my recent sexcapade…until tomorrow!! :-)

A Friend’s Betrayal – Sexual Harassment in the Workplace

Since the Halloween BJ, my life has been turned upside-down due to quite a few circumstances. I flew back to where my family lives because my grandfather had passed away, but during that time I was away, Kathy, a friend whom I thought I had trusted, decided to release the photos of my little rendezvous to friends at work, during work hours. Rumors about me were spreading around like wildfire, and I wasn’t around to be able to control it. I didn’t even know about the situation until she had decided to inform me that HR was getting into the situation.

I don’t want to disclose much about the situation, but I can talk about as to how I feel. For one, the fact that she took pictures of me without my consent was definitely a violation of my privacy, not to mention showing people left and right as to what I did that night. It’s just like this blog of mine, even though I write uninhibitedly about my sexcapades, I have not revealed my identity, since that information to me is very private. I prefer to be anonymous, so that way nothing in my normal personal life is jeopardized.

Second of all, I have no idea what her motive was to show those photos. Was it to start drama because she was bored of her life? Was it to ridicule me? Was it to do an outrageous show and tell to everyone? (Like what I did was something no one else had done before) Or was it to make herself look better because I was the one looking like a slut and she wasn’t? I honestly have no idea. But this whole situation definitely makes me uncomfortable, let alone angry that I have to go through all this bullshit when I should be doing my work.

I don’t regret my sex life at all. Whatever I’ve done in regards to sex has taught me a different lesson as to who I am. Although initially, I felt regret in sucking that guy’s dick because then I wouldn’t be in this mess, then again I wasn’t the one who made an ass of myself by deciding to bring pornographic photos of me sucking cock to work. I am the victim in this situation, not the assailant. And even though this happened, I will have to admit that this is teaching me a new lesson, to get even in the kindest, nicest way possible – by letting HR handle it and slowly make her suffer through kindness.

Even though I am very angry at the whole situation, and I now very well that any type of friendship I had with Kathy has been shot down the drain, never to return, I’m very confused as to what to do. I want to take action, to show her that I’m not some quiet, takes-it-laying-down type person (unless you’re going to fuck me missionary style), I will FIGHT once someone tries to mess with me. And I will fight until she has no more blood left and then she screams out “mercy!!”

Once you’ve been burned, you’ve gotta take care of business…

Veronica Urbana on “The Dr. Phil Show”??

The strangest thing just happened to me recently. While on vacation, I had checked my Gmail account and found an e-mail from a producer on the “Dr. Phil Show” who had wanted me to a guest on a special episode they were doing about women and the reasons why they had sex. This particular producer had read my blog (yes, this blog) and wanted me to fly to Los Angeles to do a taping with a bunch of other women discussing the 21st century woman’s sexual issues.

The first thing on my mind at that point in time was a lot of skepticism. How could someone out there want MY opinions about sex? I am but a lone writer out in cyberspace, writing about sex, and am part of a throng of thousands out there who do the same thing I do. I don’t have the biggest blog hit-rank on the ‘Web, I’m not as big as, say my idol Abby Lee, I’m just a sex-blog writer who does this as a hobby and that’s basically it. However…

I must admit I was pretty curious. It was tempting to see how far this would go, if this very out-of-the-norm offer was actually real. So I wrote him back…and he responded. He wanted me to fly down to a taping of the “Dr. Phil Show” and talk about my blog and my opinions of sex (which, as all of you know, are many). I was totally going to go for it, except…

I realized that I am an anonymous writer. There are few (and very few, I hope), who know my real identity, and I prefer to keep it that way. There are a lot of reasons why I would wish to remain anonymous (the obvious reason being that I wouldn’t want to be harassed/discriminated/disowned by friends/family/acquaintances/bosses/co-workers who would probably be appalled by my behavior and would rather think I was a “dirty slut” and needed to pray to Jesus/Allah/Buddha/Krishna/etc. to wash my sin away, in that retrospect) and it would be hard to keep myself anonymous on that show. On the flip side of the coin, the chance to promote this blog and to have more readers would be a great thing, to somehow make some mark in this world. Plus, a free trip to LA, including airfare/hotel/food sounded really hard to resist. It just sounded like a great experience.

So I debated for a few days. It was difficult to make a decision since I had a lot to weigh. I honestly didn’t want my parents and the majority of my friends to know who I was on that show, and I wanted to spare them that embarrassment of seeing their only daughter broadcasted on national television that she was a sex experimentalist. It was not something that I wanted them to do, and coming from an Asian background, they would lose so much face that I would rather spare them the embarrassment. So I would only go on the show IF they could completely make me anonymous (blacking out my face and changing my voice). And I was ready for the go and to sign the dotted line, until I got a call back from the producer and they unfortunately changed the whole format of the episode to just be married couples with sex problems. In a way, they made my decision for me, which definitely made me very relieved. Although, they still have my contact information, just in case the idea is placed back on the table, and it’ll give me more time to think about things, digest the possibility of going on TV about my blog, and also add more content on these pages as I add more fans of this blog.

So this is to all my readers – for any of you who know who I am/know what I look like, etc., I implore you: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT RELEASE ANY OF MY PERSONAL INFORMATION!! I wish to remain anonymous for a reason, and if someone “OUTS” me, NOT ONLY WILL I CLOSE DOWN THIS SITE FOREVER, BUT I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND STALK YOU LIKE SOME CRAZY EX-LOVER WHO WILL NEVER LET YOU GO!! And of course none of you want that, since I know you all love the content I place on this page…

And that is the story of how I almost ended up on the Dr. Phil Show. How random is that??

Thank you for listening, I will have more soon! :-)

Sexless Blues

Lately, it seems as if my sex-filled self has been missing. For once, I feel like I’m in a sexless rut, all of a sudden. The images of sex that used to be easily conjured and physically felt haven’t been present lately, and it’s made me wonder about it, more than once.

There have been many nights where I’ve been lying naked in my bed, touching myself, and I feel my clit raw and rough. No matter of rubbing would make my sexual desire rise from within me, and I feel frustrated. In my tired brain, I think of a sexual scenario in my head, something from my recent past, and I can’t fully conjure the visual – it’s as if I can see it in my head, but it’s clouded in a fuzzy haze, and the emotional attachment that made me see that visual in my head seems as if it were far away, like I was watching frame snapshots move across a screen, then disappear into my mind’s abyss.

Maybe that Chris incident has left me feeling a bit numb about sex. Maybe I’m just a bit disappointed that he called me again, after not hearing from him, only to reach his voice mail once again a few days later. Maybe I’m the type who needs to be emotionally stimulated to feel the sexual rush, feeling like the Energizer bunny, charging with sexual tension and desire. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t felt sexy in a while, and I’m needing a little attention. Maybe I’m just feeling a bit lonely and want someone near me to cuddle up in my bed, surrounded by a blanket, naked under the sheets. Maybe I just need someone who’s around a little more, to make me feel like a natural woman.

For once, the sex confessor is confessing that she is feeling sexless right now, and a bit lonely.

I guess we all have to suffer through the sexless blues, and it’s not fun…it’s hard to not feel wanted when she really would like to, but then again, what can I do about it?

Sex as Art

A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with a friend about the merits of sex being a creative outlet for human inspiration, and should be a valid artistic output in comparison to music, theatre, media, and the visual arts. Although human nature tends to look at sex as either a procreative act or a recreational act, no one can deny the fact that sex can be looked as another creative output to express emotions reaching the human soul.

What is art, you may ask. Art, in my humble opinion, is another outlet for humans to convey emotions without the use of words, or a human language. There are so many words in a language, but there are sometimes not enough words to fully express an emotion or capture a moment in time. It is a wave of momentary frames, ebbing in and out of one’s hindsight, and disappearing in a blink of an eye. And sex, at times, can definitely feel that way.

Think back to some of your best sexcapades. What was it about those sexcapades that you remember the most about? Was it the way you touched each other? Or the way she clasped you onto a bedpost and clamped your nipples until you cried, “mercy,” while dripping candle wax on your chest? Was it the way he brushed your legs with his hands? Or the way he slid into your pussy, slowly, while he intently stared into your eyes, locking for just one moment? All that, in my opinion, is art.

Art and sex can be connected to so much physical emotion that it can be overlooked, and sex can only be considered art if both parties are at one with each other – not necessarily that they are at one forever and ever, but at one for that one moment, both parties in sync, and they feel the same thing at that one moment in time, and not just the physical, but the emotional as well. I can admit, there were quite a few sexcapades where I didn’t feel the sex was art, but only a way to convey a physical need, selfishly wanting to ease each other’s sexual desire, rather than wanting that other person on an emotional level.

There are so many ways sex can and can’t be art, and it can differ from person to person. One person may see one form of sex as art, while another person wouldn’t. Just like art, sex can be controversial and can vary depending on the person. And sex, like art, can either be beautiful or ugly and unsatisfying, and all completely based on opinion.

In my eyes, there are many ways to have sex, but to have sex be an artform is a totally different venue altogether. All the stars may have to align, and the emotions and movements may have to be just right in order for sex to be considered an artform for me. Maybe I just need to find a sex partner who will be more than happy to help me make “sex art”…

FuBu Game-Playing

I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to update the blog the past week, I have been pretty busy with work and kind of ticked off with the whole “dating”/fubu game that I haven’t been able to finish my “Sensual Touch” sexcapade, and it had kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. Hopefully my readers haven’t been wondering as to where I’ve been lately.

So yes, I went out on a date with someone who I thought wasn’t an asshole, had a good vibe with on the first date, had a second date with the person, fooled around…and then I sense him playing games. You know, like leaving voicemails in the middle of the day, saying he’ll call later, and then you try to call him back and he never answers the phone, or he leaves his IM on, but he never responds back…and that type of thing ticks me off. I am the type of person that doesn’t play games, and for someone to lie and say that he doesn’t do that is quite a strike against his character. It’s too bad, since he had potential to be a steady sex partner, but if he’s reading this and he thinks I’m wrong, then he’ll have to go and explain himself to prove me wrong, but I’ve gone ahead and deleted him off my phone. It’s such a shame…tsk tsk tsk

Then again, being in the current situation I’m in, I end up thinking about what I did wrong. Did I do something wrong on the technique? Did I say something to tick him off? What did I do? Things like just make me feel very insecure and very unsexy…and I would prefer for someone to be a man enough to tell me honestly what went wrong rather than being a pussy and playing games. I DO NOT like game playing, it is the shittiest thing to do, PERIOD.

So here I am, trying to find another person to fuck who isn’t your typical “I love your tits, I wanna fuck you, do you do webcam?” bullshitter that you find off the street. Men need to realize that women will NOT go for that bullshit. It’s like being hit on at a club, you don’t feel attractive when men say that, you feel like a piece of meat instead. Yes, everyone wants a piece of ass, but if you’re going be treated like a carcass rather than a woman, then forget about it. I’m a woman with feelings, and you’re gonna have to wine us, dine us, and treat us right before we put out some ass. That’s how it works, boys, so learn how to do it the right way rather than shelling out some stupid pickup lines that you learned from a slam book from elementary school.

There need to be more interesting, intelligent men out there who aren’t assholes to take me in…no more assholes, please!! If you play games, it’s time to toss you out the window, bro…

The Mismatched Sex Partner Problem

It seems as if it’s difficult to find a sex partner you can trust that has the same interest in sex as you do. You may be attracted to that person, you may love to fuck that person, but sometimes it seems as if the person you’re with isn’t into the same sex interests that you’re into. It’s like the equilibrium has changed, the pendulum constantly swaying, while you’re wanting to try different things, and your partner isn’t.

Being stuck in a rut when it comes to sex is such a frustrating thing. Often, when you’re in a romantic relationship, sometimes you just don’t want to do the same missionary/blowjob/pussy eating/in bed thing that you’ve always done. Sometimes you want to try a new sex game, or be tied up in bed, or want to fuck in a different “venue”, or want to bring in a third party, etc…and someone isn’t willing or wanting to spoil the fun. And then, you feel like an ass because you’re always the one making up new ideas, and you’re stringing along your partner because your partner is just too lazy or too scared or just isn’t imaginative enough to do something new in the sack, and you end up doing the same old boring thing.

Don’t get me wrong – sex is an awesome experience. I wouldn’t turn down a good fuck at all (mind you, key word here is “good”, LOL). But sometimes, the same type of sex over and over and over again can get kind of…well...STALE. You definitely want to try something new once that happens, right?

I run into that problem quite often, and I believe there are a lot of you that do too. I understand that there will be things that you aren’t willing to do, and there will be some disagreements, and that’s fine. What frustrates me is the fact that some people aren’t willing to try something new.

What is it about experimentation in sex that scares people away? Is it the fact that they don’t want to be labeled as a “sex freak”, an abnormal type of person in society? That we all have to share the same types of sexual frustrations, fuck the same way, through all the rigid avenues of the whitest of vanilla sex? That just seems like a boring way to live life, in my honest opinion.

The mind is such a sexual organ, and if we don’t use that, we are wasting our sexual lives away. Even if all you want to do is vanilla sex, you could think of surprising your partner with a trail of sexy notes in all of his pockets, or leaving a cum-soaked lacy thong under his pillow, or play some kind of sexual foreplay…or better yet, experiment with a whip and a paddle, decked in leather…

There is nothing wrong with stretching your imagination and experimenting in sex. Be willing to open your minds and expand your sexual limitations, and learn something new about sex, and about yourself. Listen to your partners, maybe you may find out about something new that you’ll want to add to your sex favorites!!

Sexuality and Self-Respect

I’ve received some feedback from readers appalled at my behavior. From their standpoint, no “self-respecting” men would want to go for me after what I wish to do. Honestly, those comments infuriated me, and I figured it was high time for me to have my say about that situation, so people just shut the fuck up and mind their own business.

After receiving those comments, I pondered about that statement: what is a “self-respecting” human being? Is it being in a monogamous relationship, only having vanilla sex in the confines of a bedroom? Or is it a man having a chaste woman who knows very little about sex, so he can teach her how to pleasure specifically for his needs? Or is a self-respecting person really a person who accepts who he/she really is, and will do whatever he/she needs to do for his/her own personal satisfaction, just as long as he/she doesn’t hurt anyone?

Society has trained us from the day we were born till the day we die about how we should conduct ourselves. I understand the logic and agree with it to some degree, but how is it right to tell people how they should live their lives if it’s not hurting people? I loathe people that cheat on their partners, or marry the opposite sex even though they know they’re homosexuals, or marry then beat up their partners. That is blatantly wrong. But is it right for you to tell me what to do and judge me just because I want to fuck people in the way that I want to be fucked? Do you still have self-respect for yourself because you want to have a three-some or want to get fucked in a car?

I think it is. I feel that by doing those things, I’m respecting myself by being truthful to my personal needs. I don’t see anything wrong with what I’m doing, and people who are so narrow-minded by my insatiable need to be sexually desired in multiple settings can go fuck themselves, take a look inside of themselves and figure out the truth.

I can’t stand the contradictions of this society’s sexual double standard. How is okay for a “self-respecting” man to go off into the world, become conquerors for pussy, and women can’t? Why is it when a woman does the same thing, she doesn’t look like a “respectable” woman?

There is NOTHING wrong for women who achieve and search for their sexual desires. I think there should be more women out there that should, and I don’t care if a man feels intimidated by these women. They should be lucky that they have women like that, who aren’t afraid to try something new, to have someone that is willing to guide them into the sexual unknown. It’s infuriating to deal with men who wish to only have women to be chaste on the outside, but a sex freak in between the sheets.

What century do these people live in? We are not living in the time before Women’s Lib, where women were vassals of men’s pleasure, following and appeasing every whim and pleasure just for a man. Men need to fully accept and sink the idea into their heads that women are sexual individuals too, and that men are not the only ones that can go on conquests for lustful-only sex, just so they can get another notch on their belts.

As an independent woman living in the 21st century, I am exercising my right to fuck whoever I wish to fuck, in the way I choose. As a woman, I am respecting myself in the terms of my own sexuality. I am being truthful to myself, in my own wants and needs when it comes to sex. And I encourage and applaud other women out there to do the same, even if it is choosing not do what I plan to do when it comes to sex.

For anyone who thinks that no self-respecting man would ever want me, go ahead and look at yourselves for once, and clear up those “forbidden” desires that everyone in this world has. If you find my behavior appalling, then don’t read my blog. It’ll leave one less narrow-minded person judging me for my behavior, and the less of your kind there are, the better. I have better things to in my life than having to explain my behavior to gain your favor, but I’ll rant this once just for you to look inside yourselves, stop repressing your sex lives, and live life to the fullest. We all have one life to life. Stop judging and HAVE SEX!!

Comments? Let’s start a discussion. What do you all think?

Sexcapades To Do (and Don't) List

There are a few things on my sex list that I am still wanting to try to do, dreamed about doing, masturbated about them, et cetera. There are other things that I know that LIKE HELL I would never, ever do.

These are things on my Sexcapades To Do List:

- THREESOME!! I would prefer an MMF, but I wouldn’t cross off an FFM, either. I could say, that, just once, I have slept with a woman, in the context of a threesome.

- Be chained on a wall, both ankles and wrists, being tortured with a vibrator (I had seen a porno like that, and it was super hot), candle wax, and of course, a whip/paddle

- Role-play gang-rape (not a real one, of course) with myself and a bunch of guys

- Sex in a bathroom stall!! So many people have done it, it’s in movies (the hottest bathroom sex scene I’d ever seen was in the film “Unfaithful” with Dianne Lane and Olivier Martinez

- An orgy…not just being in a room with other couple having sex, but me being fucked by one guy, me sucking another, and giving a handjob to another, while that guy eats another girl’s pussy…and the list goes on

- Having sex on a sex swing or being suspended in the air

- Being fucked while holding on to a pull-up bar (similar to above)

- Having sex on a hood of a car (or inside a car)

- Having sex while sitting on top of a running washing machine or clothes dryer

- Me playing mistress, wearing a rubber suit, while torturing a fully-naked man, acting as my slave

- Sex on an airplane (ala Mile High Club)

- Sex in a bathtub, hot tub, or swimming pool

- Having sex (the whole shebang) at a sex club with a crowd of people watching

- Sex in the great outdoors (especially on the beach)

- Any position that I haven’t tried yet

- Japanese bondage (the right way)

- Having some kind of food licked off from me (ice cream, chocolate syrup, honey, whipped cream, etc)

And I intend to do most of these things before I settle down and get married.

Here are things that I will NEVER do (besides the obvious actual rapes, children and animals):

- Anything that involves cutting and blood (gross)

- Being shat upon (number 2)…(double gross)

- Anything that involves me shoving a tube down a guy’s cock (triple gross)

I may add to both of these lists, but those are the major ones right now, I may add to them as I continue on with my sexual journey…

The Mind of a Closet Nympho

For you all who have read over my posts, gasped from shock and gone hard from all of my confessions, you may have wonder what ever possessed me to ever reveal such intimate details about my sex life to complete strangers who are probably as horny and I am? What is it about me that brings you back to this blog of mine?

In my every day, average life, I am seen as reserved, quiet, silly, and pretty conservative. I unconsciously convey innocence and a goody-two-shoe persona that it drives me crazy. Sometimes I feel like I’m an invisible person, inside wanting to be seen as a sex goddess, but feeling like I’ve been passed by, unintentionally, because I’m not instantly as outgoing as other people. I tend to be in my shell, observing people and their actions, quiet and awkward, the type who would “keep appearances”. I tend to isolate myself, not because I’m being a snob, but because I’m shy and do horribly in situations where I don’t know anyone. I’m the type that people don’t look twice at, and then I end up just being friends with them, mainly because they don’t see me as anything more than friends, the usual story.

More often than not, I get sick and tired of being the “innocent”-looking one. I’m tired of always being passed on by, and then always having to become the aggressor because people see me as “fragile”. I’m tired of having to play the “friend”. I’m tired of acting like an invisible person. I’m tired of always having to do the right thing, always losing her first chance, then getting leftovers in the end.

Writing in this blog makes me feel worthwhile. Inside of me is an exhibitionist wanting to burst out at the seams, wanting to show the world what she can do. The inside of me wants someone to notice who I really am, without having to second-guess or do double takes when it comes to the things I’ve done. I want to show the world that I’m not sexless, or neutral, but someone who is burning-hot from wanting to get fucked.

On the flip side, I feel as if I attract the wrong type of people sometimes. The ones that get attracted to me get attached way too soon, that it freaks me out and I perceive things as stalker-ish. They also end up being people I’m not attracted to physically, but they end up being attracted to me. Or they end up being attached to someone else, or just plain WEIRD, in a bad way. It’s just plain bad luck in my end, to have to deal with it sometimes. Maybe I’m just neurotic that way.

I need someone that would be my equal. Someone that is cute, but not completely hot, and someone that finds me attractive, all the same. Someone that isn’t too old, or too young, and definitely someone that can satisfy me. Someone that I can still be more than friends with, be interested in me, have some kind of spark, and fuck me until the break of dawn…and did I mention not someone bad-WEIRD and a good fuck? :-D

Porno Fiend

Porno. You know you watch it. I watch it. Everyone in this world watches it, even if they don’t admit to it or not. It’s everyone’s forbidden and secret pleasure, husbands hide it from their wives, wives hide it from their husbands, parents hide it from their children, children hide it from their parents, and so on and so forth. But what is the big deal about porno?

Everyone knows it’s awesome, watching people have sex in the privacy of your own home, so you can get off on your own. Others scoff at how “dirty” it is, devout-Christians forbid it, but it doesn’t make sense. How is porno so bad after all?

Well, from someone that used to be on the “against porno” side (yes, believe it or not), I always thought that porno would be something that separated relationships. There are couples that I know who would rather watch porno than sleep with their own significant others. REALLY?!? You live with free ass and pussy and you’d rather watch people butt-naked, faking having orgasms than fuck your wife or husband?! What the fuck is wrong with you??? And sadly enough, it’s true, so many people are stuck in relationships where the sex is bad, infrequent and unsatisfying. Then you find out that the person you’ve been with who hadn’t fucked you for so long had been watching porno all this time, and you get jealous. Yes, that’s right, jealous of porno. Which is why so many people’s lives and relationships can be broken because of porno.

Then, I became single, and sex became very, very infrequent. You needed visual stimulation to get yourself off, because the dick wasn’t even there to help you get by. Even a dildo couldn’t help you, because all you wanted was some real dick being shoved in your pussy, making you scream into an orgasm, and you wished there was someone there. So you started to watch a porno, and as you sat there, mesmerized by the naked bodies, watching quietly as you heard the whimpers, moans, grunts, snarled faces, and sweat of two, three or more people having so much pleasure, you couldn’t help but sit back, rub yourself between the legs, and wait until the explosion hit, out of breath as you continued on watching these unknown people fucking the night away.

I understand now that porno can’t be all bad. We are human, we have needs, and sometimes we have to fulfill them, even when there isn’t someone available to get you by. Sometimes you want to be able to jack off on your own, to understand your space and personal time, without having to be bothered by someone else to get you to your pleasure zone. Sometimes you want to pretend that you’re actually watching people have sex live, pretend that you were someone else fucking someone famous/rich/hot, and we all have the right to do so, just as long as we don’t cheat. And porno is a great escape to do all those wild fantasies in our heads without getting a limb chopped off by out significant others.

I usually watch straight Asian porn and guy-on-guy porn, mainly because the orgasms look a lot better than straight porn, seem more realistic, and the guys are a LOT hotter. Sometimes, white porn just infuriates me, why is it that the girl’s only the hot one and not the guy? I honestly don’t want to imagine some butt-ass redneck trying to fuck me while the chick is hot, that’s not fair to me, right? I guess porno makers don’t fully realize that women consume almost as much porno as men do, but they’re a bit behind on the times…

I guess that’s what I’ll be planning this Valentine’s Day then, another V-Day with no ass on the way…sigh…I guess it’s time to pull out the porno collection again…

Accepting Defeat

My sexcapade encounter with Derek really opened my eyes with what I can and can’t do in sex. There are a lot of things I know, and a lot of things that I still want to try, but his dick is something I am starting to come to terms with.

The monstrosity of his member really taught me that there are things that I need to improve upon. For instance, for a woman that hasn’t had a cock in her mouth as big as Derek’s for over three years, I need to learn how to deep throat while thrusting, learning how to control my throat and breathing, being able to take something that big being shoved down my throat while not losing air and consciousness, all at the same time.

I need to learn how to take my time, to take it in stride, and read my partner and my partner’s movements, without rushing him into a climax. Getting someone off isn’t something that can be done being rushed, and to show all your tricks all at one time can be confusing.

Derek’s cock is definitely a challenge, and I don’t want to accept defeat, but that one time with him will be a defeat on my almost flawless record. My experience with him will be something I will look upon as another notch on my belt, but yet another lesson in sex for me to improve upon, as I learn more about myself in this neon-colored world of sex and pleasure.

I will not bow down to the pressure, and not say that he and I didn’t enjoy ourselves, because we both did. But in order for me to not lose face again, I will work my hardest to get myself back on my feet and go about my conquests. I will persevere, no matter how long it takes, I WILL CONQUER THAT DICK!!